you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
