the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
