your room smells of hookers.
And success
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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