OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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