He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
