did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
