Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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