Having a random hookup so left but love u
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i think i just lost a toe
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
