An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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