He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
