can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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