In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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