I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
