i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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