I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
