im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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