Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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