you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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