I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
