i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When are your genitals available?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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