don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
