I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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