I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
