How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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