I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no, he came in my armpit
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
