i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
