i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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