Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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