Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
