We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
