That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
