Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
