Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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