i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize