if i can run in heels then i can drive
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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