I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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