it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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