he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
