yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
