I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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