My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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