Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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