That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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