The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
