My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
