Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
