It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize