More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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