She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
