I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
