So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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