I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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