Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
