my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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