yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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