so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
