I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
