do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
