when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
