WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
