But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
