I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
