There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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