I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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