Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
