I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
