Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
