now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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