If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
