thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
operation have a gay friend backfired
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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