You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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