I wanna bring you to show and tell
I puked a lego.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
