This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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