im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your penis caused this!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
