but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
