just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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