are you so shy because you have an std?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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