oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize