I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
