Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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