It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
