That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
