I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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