Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize