i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
