i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
