dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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