k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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