if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
handjob tips. give me some.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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