4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
