It's just like the Real World with babies
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
