My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
