I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
