Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
