Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
